Please, Insomnia…Let me sleep a little!!

Insomnia has been trying to make me give up on sleep at nights ever since I was 5, maybe 6 years old. Perhaps more, but that’s as far as I remember.

It was horrible to be a little child, unable to sleep, having no one to talk to (no internet back then…), nothing to watch (no DVD, no VCR either, and the TV, back then, simply ‘closed’ after midnight here—just static or some color stripes showing until next morning), and still not able to read that well to distract myself.

I also had some sleepwalking episodes, and remember waking up one night inside my brother’s crib, having absolutely no recollection of how on Earth had I ended up there. Thanks God I was petite and didn’t hurt him… That was really creepy-hilarious! Oh, and I hurt my head many times on doors and walls walking in my sleep. My father told me I wasn’t walking like a mummy the way we see in movies. Just normally walking; with my eyes closed.

Not much changed since then, except that I don’t sleepwalk anymore, and have lots of ways to entertain myself during sleepless nights. Like writing a blog post! 😀

Yay for the internet, 24 hours of TV, cable TV, DVDs, etc. It’s less boring to be insomniac nowadays!!

I envy people who sleep well. I have a friend at work who has the same troubles to sleep. The other day we realized none of us has NEVER have a peaceful, revitalizing sleep night. Ever. Even when we do sleep, is always lightly and we wake up many times during the night. Normally we wake up before the clock demands it, losing precious sleeping time as well…

Then I usually spend the whole day dozing around, and it’s very, very hard not to sleep on my desk at work. I feel almost cataleptic sometimes; I can’t control it—I just sleep. I once slept during a meeting, just me and my boss in the room! She—obviously—noticed I slept, and I promptly denied it! Ha! As if it were possible to deny sleeping!

I sleep on trains, buses—even if I’m standing. But it is a very light sleep, and I wake up after a few minutes, or if anything or anyone slightly touches me. I never even miss my stops, funny! And even weirder—I always dream. Yeah, I know, no REM sleep, no dreams, but what can I do…I dream. Even if it’s a one minute nap, I wake up from a dream! And I wished to sleep that well at night, oh, how I wished…

Because as soon as I’m ready to really sleep, pajamas on, lights off, on my bed—bam! The insomnia takes charge and what I wanted to badly during the day—sleep—becomes a hard, exhausting task. I want to sleep, my eyes are burning, my head is heavy—everything in my body is prepared and demanding rest, but my brain simply refuses to ‘turn off’. *sighs*

Well, I guess I just wanted to unload a little… I’ll get back to my task now, trying to have some sleep… It’s 02:43 in the morning here in Brazil, but at least I’m on vacation, so I don’t have to wake up early tomorrow…I mean, today! 🙂

Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings. Oh, and thanks for pretending you didn’t notice the typos and grammar mistakes I’m sure are all around this post—I shouldn’t be writing, you see; I should be sleeping!! 😀


4 responses to “Please, Insomnia…Let me sleep a little!!

  1. Hello Renata, I sympathise with you. I usually turn the light off around midnight and try to sleep. Sometimes I manage it but wake up around 1.30. I’ll have a cigarette and then try again but like this morning, about 4.00 I’m wide awake and back on the computer.
    I can go for a while like this and then I need to sleep during the afternoon to catch up- at least I’m not at work any more. Julia says she’s glad I don’t sleep sometimes as she’s noticed I stop breathing for a while….just as long as it’s not too long !!
    I haven’t sleepwalked since I was a child and I don’t talk in my sleep any more but I do sleep type. Recently I fell asleep over the keyboard yet carried on writing to someone about an exploding cat?? I have no idea where that came from. I woke up in time not to send it but that’s not always the case. Oops
    I hope you get a decent nights sleep soon as you can’t be awake when Santa calls !

    • Hi David,

      Oh my, your exploding cat email is making me and my daughter laugh for a while! 😀
      I do the same thing!! I always keep doing what I was doing before blacking out. Back at college, I used to keep taking notes sleeping, and woke up with my notebook scribbled all over… Or I keep typing; once I almost lost a lot of words in a MS because of that…
      And when I’m chatting with Maria, my daughter, and then start sleeping, she wakes me and I start saying something about what I was dreaming, not at all related to our conversation. Usually I also accuse her of having slept! 🙂

      Tonight was the worst crisis I can remember in a long time… I managed to have 3 naps, in a total of maybe 3 hours sleep. I plan on going to bed early today, but am not sure if it’s going to help.

      The funniest part– or the saddest, I’m not sure– is that my daughter has some troubles too. She talks during sleep, moves, sits, open her eyes… It’s kind of creepy sometimes!! Tonight, after I finished this post, she started talking, punching her mattress and talking. Perhaps it was something in the water yesterday?? O.O

      Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  2. I share your pain and though I haven’t solved it, I did finally realize why I wasn’t sleeping good, since early childhood. With me it’s dreams, not ordinary dreams, but a view into the future kind and that could be very scary when you’re little and don’t understand whay it is your seeing. So now, I use my dreams to create my stories. Is it dreams that are keeping you awake or daily stress?

    • Hi Marie,

      I guess what makes sleeping so darn hard to me is that I have ADD, so it’s really difficult to turn my busy brain off, even if I’m really tired.
      Stressed or absolutely happy,, it makes no difference. From the time I lay down until I finally sleep at least 1 and 1/2 hour passed. In a good day.
      When I have a horrible crisis like this one, usually I can count on 2-3 other horrible nights, then I’m so exhausted that I manage to sleep quite fast in the night that follows. But then I wake up earlier than necessary and it starts again… *sigh*

      I learned to accept it now, so I don’t even try to sleep before my eyes start burning…

      Great you found a good way to use your dreams!

      Thanks for commenting.

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